Marriage is a joyful journey filled with love, laughter, and surprises. While love builds the foundation, humor keeps it fun and vibrant. Wedding puns and jokes are the perfect way to add joy to your big day, anniversaries, or everyday moments together.
These lighthearted quips bring smiles, spark laughter, and create unforgettable memories. Keep the spark alive with these funny wedding jokes and puns, because marriage is about sharing vows and sharing laughs!
Funny Wedding Jokes That’ll Get a Ring of Laughter
A wedding is a magical day… filled with vows, cake, and a lot of unspoken truths. If you’re newly engaged or just here for the free food, these jokes will have you laughing all the way to the altar!
What do you call a wedding that starts on time?
A miracle.
Husband: “Marriage is a partnership.”
Wife: “Yes, and I’m the CEO.”
Why did the bride bring a GPS to the wedding?
Because she wanted to make sure the groom didn’t get lost before saying “I do.”
What’s the difference between a wedding and a funeral?
At a funeral, at least one person is happy with the outcome.
Why did the groom whisper his vows?
Because he was afraid of saying something he’d regret at full volume.
Why do married people never finish their sentences?
Because their spouse is always interrupting.
Why was the groom so calm on his wedding day?
Because his in-laws scared him into submission months ago.
Husband: “I married the love of my life.”
Wife: “And I married someone who still doesn’t load the dishwasher right.”
What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Love is dreamy. Marriage is an alarm clock.
Why did the wedding guests cheer so loudly?
Because the speeches were finally over.
Why did the officiant bring a stopwatch?
Because he had another wedding in 30 minutes.
Why was the bride late?
Because she needed time to decide if she was making the right choice.
What’s a groom’s favorite type of math?
Dividing the wedding bill with his in-laws.
Wife: “I knew you were the one when I first saw you.”
Husband: “I knew you were the one when you agreed to marry me.”
Why do weddings always have a dance floor?
Because the groom needs one last chance to step on the bride’s toes.
Why did the couple bring a referee to the wedding?
To settle their first argument.
Why was the groom nervous?
Because he realized the wedding is the easy part—marriage is the real challenge.
What did the best man say when he forgot his speech?
“Let’s just raise our glasses and pretend I said something inspiring.”
Why do married couples argue over dinner?
Because no one ever knows what they want to eat.
Why was the bride’s dad emotional?
Because he just spent his life savings on the wedding.
What do you call a wedding without a photographer?
A bunch of people asking, “Did anyone get that on video?”
Wife: “We need to compromise in this marriage.”
Husband: “Okay, I’ll agree with you, and you’ll agree that I’m wrong.”
Why do wedding photographers take so many pictures?
Because one day, the couple will need proof they were happy.
What’s the scariest part of a wedding?
The moment when you realize the open bar just closed.
Husband: “Marriage is like a rollercoaster.”
Wife: “Yeah, you screamed the whole way down.”
Why did the wedding cake break up?
Because it had too many layers of drama.
What’s the best way to save money on a wedding?
Elope.
Why do brides throw the bouquet?
Because they want to share their stress with someone else.
What do you call a wedding with no arguments?
A daydream.
Clean Marriage Jokes for a Drama-Free “I Do”
Marriage is a journey full of love, laughter, and learning to tolerate each other’s quirks. If you’re looking for clean, lighthearted humor that won’t start a debate at the dinner table, these jokes are for you!
What’s the hardest part about marriage?
Deciding where to eat.
Husband: “I love you more every day!”
Wife: “You should’ve started at a higher number.”
Why did the husband bring a ruler to his wedding?
Because he wanted to measure up to his wife’s expectations.
What’s the best way to get your spouse’s attention?
Sit down and look comfortable.
Why do married people always look so calm?
Because they’ve learned to pick their battles.
What did the husband say when his wife asked if he remembered their anniversary?
“Of course! I just didn’t say anything because I wanted to surprise you.”
Why did the couple bring a magnifying glass to marriage counseling?
To really examine their issues.
What do you call a couple who never argues?
Unbelievable.
Wife: “Do you think I talk too much?”
Husband: “Do you think I’d answer that question?”
Why do married people never win arguments?
Because love means always letting the other person be right.
What’s the difference between a wedding and a marriage?
A wedding is one perfect day. Marriage is learning to love someone even when they leave dishes in the sink.
Why did the husband take his wife’s last name?
Because she won the argument.
Why did the wife marry her husband?
Because he made her laugh—just not at his jokes.
What’s the best way to get through a long marriage?
Keep laughing, keep listening, and keep hiding the remote.
Wife: “Honey, do you know what today is?”
Husband: “Of course! It’s the day I get in trouble for forgetting something.”
Why do husbands and wives always lose at board games?
Because they spend more time arguing over the rules.
What did the husband say when his wife asked if she looked different after all these years?
“You look even better—especially when you’re not mad at me.”
Why did the husband bring a calculator to marriage counseling?
Because he needed help adding up all his mistakes.
Marriage is like a bank account…
You can only withdraw love if you’ve made enough deposits.
What do married couples call “quality time”?
Watching the same show while scrolling on separate phones.
Why did the couple bring a referee to their house?
To make fair calls on household chores.
What’s the best way to know if your spouse is listening?
Start talking about shopping or sports.
Why do couples say “for better or worse”?
Because they don’t know what’s coming next.
Wife: “I love how you always remember the little things.”
Husband: “Like what?”
Why do couples go on date nights?
So they can remember why they got married in the first place.
Marriage is like WiFi…
Sometimes strong, sometimes weak, but you never want to disconnect.
Why do married people always look at each other before answering questions?
Because they need to check their story.
Husband: “I promise to always stand by your side.”
Wife: “Good. Now stand by me while I pick out 50 throw pillows.”
Why do spouses always lose things?
Because their partner “put it somewhere safe.”
Wedding Puns That’ll Make You Say “I Dew”
Weddings are a perfect mix of love, laughter, and just the right amount of cheesiness. If you’re a fan of puns, these will make you laugh, groan, and maybe even say, “I dew!”
Why did the bride and groom go to therapy?
To work on their “marriage-ment” skills.
The husband was terrible at surprises…
But his wife still “adored him” anyway.
The wedding cake and the groom had one thing in common…
They were both “tiered” by the end of the night.
The groom didn’t want to make a toast, but…
He finally “buttered up” and said a few words.
The bride married her best friend because…
She “knew” he was the “one-knee” for her.
Why did the couple get married at the vineyard?
Because their love had truly “aged well.”
The groom was nervous, but he stayed calm because…
He had a “best man” for the job.
The florist loved weddings because…
They were always a “budding” romance.
The DJ at the wedding only played love songs…
Because breaking up was “off the table.”
Why was the wedding reception so quiet?
Because no one wanted to “spill the vows.”
Why did the bride bring an extra dress?
In case she needed a “marry” makeover.
The groom told his wife she was “one in a million”…
She replied, “So you’re saying there are others?”
The wedding was held in a library because…
The couple had a “novel” love story.
The officiant had a great career because…
He always “tied the knot” perfectly.
The couple almost called off the wedding…
But they decided to “altar” their plans instead.
The baker quit after one wedding because…
Too many people “wanted a piece of him.”
The couple got married on a boat because…
They wanted their love to “sail” smoothly.
Why was the wedding cake so emotional?
Because it was in “tiers.”
The wedding was going well until…
The groom “flaked” on the first dance.
The bride didn’t cry when she said her vows…
But she “dew”ed up at the reception.
The wedding dress store had a huge sale…
It was a “once-in-a-white” event.
The couple made a great pair because…
They were “mint” to be.
The bride and groom made a toast, and…
It was “butter” than expected.
The couple planned their wedding by the ocean…
Because they wanted a “shore” thing.
Marriage Puns That Keep the Love (and Laughs) Alive
Marriage is a lifelong commitment—full of love, compromise, and a whole lot of laughter. If you’re a newlywed or a seasoned pro, these marriage puns will keep the humor alive (just like your relationship, hopefully).
Marriage is all about give and take…
Mostly, I give in and take a deep breath.
They say love is blind…
But marriage is an eye-opener.
My spouse and I have a great relationship…
We’re totally “knot” kidding about forever.
Why did the couple go to therapy?
They needed to “marriage” their differences.
Why do married couples make great detectives?
Because they always “ring” the truth out of each other.
I told my wife she was my rock…
She told me I was her “pebble-m” in life.
What’s a couple’s favorite dance move?
The “two-step” decision-making process.
My husband is a great listener…
Especially when I talk about food.
My wife always wins arguments…
She’s just got that “vow-erful” presence.
Marriage is a lot like WiFi…
Strong signal at first, but sometimes you have to reconnect.
My spouse and I are a great team…
I cook, they eat. It works out perfectly.
Why do couples love road trips?
Because they can take turns being the “drive” force of the relationship.
Our love story is my favorite book…
Even if it’s mostly filled with “mystery” and “plot twists.”
My spouse and I never fight…
We just have very passionate debates about where to eat.
What do you call two lovebirds in a long marriage?
Tweet-hearts forever.
My wife said she married me for my sense of humor…
I guess she’s still “pun-dering” that choice.
My husband and I never argue over money…
Because he doesn’t have any.
Our marriage is built on trust…
And a shared dislike for doing the dishes.
My wife says I don’t listen…
At least, I think that’s what she said.
What’s the best thing about marriage?
Knowing someone will always be there… to remind you of what you forgot.
My husband told me he’d do the laundry…
I’m still waiting for the sequel to that story.
Marriage is like a fine meal…
You always end up with leftovers (usually unresolved arguments).
My wife asked me to do yoga with her…
I said, “Namaste in bed.”
Wedding Anniversary Jokes to Keep the Spark and Smiles Alive
Anniversaries are a special time to reflect on your love, but they’re also a great opportunity to laugh together. These wedding anniversary jokes are the perfect way to add some humor to your celebration and keep the spark alive!
Why do couples celebrate their wedding anniversary with cake?
Because it’s the only way to make it through another year of “slice” of life together.
After 10 years of marriage, I told my wife…
“I still love you—just not the way I did on day one. Now I love you more, with a little less drama.”
What did the husband say on his 25th anniversary?
“I’m still the luckiest man in the world… except for the first few years when I didn’t know how to do laundry.”
Why did the couple go on a second honeymoon?
Because their first one was too “short” on romance.
The key to a long marriage?
Saying “yes dear” and remembering to forget about the fight from last year.
My wife and I celebrated our 30th anniversary by…
Recreating our first date. Well, except for the part where we couldn’t remember where it was.
Marriage is like a deck of cards…
In the beginning, you’re full of hearts and diamonds. After a few anniversaries, you’re looking for clubs and spades.
Why did the husband forget his anniversary?
Because he was busy “dating” his work.
The secret to a happy anniversary is simple…
Pick a restaurant where your spouse hasn’t tried to “redecorate” it with complaints.
After 15 years of marriage, I asked my wife for a little space…
She gave me the couch for the night.
How did the husband surprise his wife on their 20th anniversary?
He finally remembered their wedding date.
The best part of our wedding anniversary dinner?
The dessert—because we both agree that we love cake more than “cooking.”
After all these years of marriage, my wife still looks beautiful…
Even when she’s yelling at me to “fix the sink!”
The wife gave her husband a card for their anniversary…
It read: “I love you more today than yesterday. But less than tomorrow, when I’ll have more patience.”
What did the wife say to the husband on their 5th anniversary?
“You’re still the one I want to fight with.”
How do you know you’ve been married for a long time?
When your idea of a romantic evening is sharing a cup of tea and discussing bills.
What’s the best gift for an anniversary?
A subscription to a couple’s therapy magazine—just kidding!
How do married couples celebrate after one year?
By saying, “Wow, I can’t believe we survived that!”
Why don’t couples tell each other their anniversary plans?
Because that’s the easiest way to avoid saying, “I told you so!”
What’s the secret to keeping the spark alive after 40 years of marriage?
Occasional arguments, regular “missed” anniversaries, and pretending you remembered the right date.
The couple celebrated their 10th anniversary by doing the same thing they did on their first date…
Sitting awkwardly in silence at a restaurant because neither of them could pick a dish.
What do you call a marriage that lasts over 50 years?
A miracle—especially if you’re still remembering to say “I love you” and “You were right.”
The best part of our wedding anniversary?
Knowing we’ve made it this far—mainly by saying “yes dear” and “it’s my fault.”
Why did the husband think the anniversary was the best day ever?
Because it was the only day she didn’t mention the garage needing cleaning.
What’s the best way to keep an anniversary surprise fresh?
Tell your spouse you have no plans at all… then surprise them with a romantic dinner at their favorite place.
After 25 years of marriage, the husband said…
“It feels like we’ve been together for 50—because half the time I’m lost in conversation and the other half trying to figure out what we’re arguing about.”
How do you know you’ve been married for a long time?
When your anniversary gift is a trip to the grocery store without the kids.
What’s a good way to keep the love alive?
Flirting at home like you did on the first date, especially when you both are in pajamas.
What did the wife say when her husband asked what she wanted for their anniversary?
“Just you and no arguments for 24 hours.”
A 50th wedding anniversary?
That’s basically a lifetime achievement award for not divorcing each other over the remote control.
Short Wedding Jokes for Quick Laughs at the Altar
Weddings are full of love, laughter, and a little bit of chaos. If you’re the bride, groom, or just there for the cake, these short and snappy jokes will have everyone cracking up before they say, “I do.”
What did the wedding cake say to the fork?
“You wanna piece of me?”
Husband: “You complete me.”
Wife: “That’s because you’d be lost without me.”
Why did the groom bring a pencil to the wedding?
Because he wanted to draw out the ceremony.
What did one wedding guest say to the other?
“Let’s cut the cake and the small talk.”
Why did the bride refuse to wear heels?
She wanted to stand on equal ground.
Why do weddings always start late?
Because the bride needs time to decide if she really wants to do this.
What’s a groom’s favorite type of exercise?
Running late.
Why do wedding speeches take forever?
Because everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame.
Why did the groom go to therapy?
To work on his commitment issues.
Why was the wedding band so expensive?
Because love don’t cost a thing, but weddings sure do.
What’s the best way to enjoy a wedding?
Be a guest, not the one paying for it.
Why don’t brides tell jokes?
Because they don’t want to crack under pressure.
Wife: “You never say I love you anymore.”
Husband: “I said it at the altar. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”
Why did the groom bring a suitcase to the wedding?
Because he was ready for baggage.
Why do wedding guests cry?
Because they realize how much money they spent on gifts.
Husband: “I married my best friend.”
Wife: “Well, your best friend needs you to take out the trash.”
What’s the biggest lie told at weddings?
“We’ll only invite close friends and family.”
Why did the couple bring a GPS to their wedding?
Because they didn’t want to lose their way.
What’s the worst thing to forget on your wedding day?
The rings… or your vows.
Why do grooms get cold feet?
Because weddings cost an arm and a leg.
Why do couples dance at their wedding?
Because it’s their last chance to lead.
Husband: “You’re my queen.”
Wife: “Then kneel before me and pick up your socks.”
Why do people drink at weddings?
Because love isn’t the only thing intoxicating.
What’s the most romantic way to end a wedding?
With an open bar.
Hilarious Marriage Jokes to Tie the Knot with Laughter
Marriage is a beautiful thing… until you realize you’ve just signed up for a lifetime subscription to “What do you want for dinner?” If you’re married, getting married, or just here for the laughs, these jokes will hit home.
Marriage is like a walk in the park…
Jurassic Park.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage?
A selective memory.
Husband: “Can I get a little space?”
Wife: “Sure, it’s called the guest room.”
Why did the bride bring a ladder to the wedding?
Because she heard love is about taking things to the next level.
Why did the husband bring a map to the argument?
Because he kept getting lost in his wife’s logic.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years…
Then we met.
Why do wedding rings go on the left hand?
Because it’s the only finger that connects straight to the wallet.
Husband: “I’m the man of this house!”
Wife: “And I’m the woman who let you think that.”
My wife and I always compromise.
I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.
Marriage teaches you patience…
Especially when your spouse tells a story with unnecessary details.
Wife: “Do I look fat in this dress?”
Husband: “Do I look stupid in this marriage?”
Why did the groom bring a belt to the wedding?
Because he wanted to tie the knot properly.
What’s the best way to remember your wedding anniversary?
Forget it once.
Marriage is when dating goes from “I can’t wait to see you” to…
“Did you take out the trash?”
Why don’t married couples go to the gym together?
Because some things just aren’t worth fighting over.
Wife: “I have nothing to wear!”
Husband: (Looks at closet full of clothes) “Me neither.”
I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary.
She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring.” So I got her nothing.
My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for our anniversary.
So I took her to the gas station.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.
Wife: “You never listen to me!”
Husband: “That’s a weird way to start a conversation.”
Husband: “Where do you want to eat?”
Wife: “I don’t know, you pick.”
Husband: “Okay, how about pizza?”
Wife: “Ugh, no.”
What do you call a spouse who tells dad jokes?
A groan-mate.
Wedding vows should include…
“I promise to pretend I didn’t hear you snore.”
Wife: “Would you still love me if I gained 100 pounds?”
Husband: “Of course! But we might need a bigger couch.”
Why do couples argue about the thermostat?
Because love isn’t always warm.
What’s the key to a successful marriage?
Separate blankets.
Wedding Officiant Jokes to Bless the Ceremony with Humor
A wedding officiant sets the tone for the ceremony—sometimes heartfelt, sometimes serious, but the best ones know how to bring in the perfect amount of humor. If you’re an officiant looking for a witty line or a couple wanting a fun ceremony, these jokes will add laughter to the “I dos.”
- “Marriage is basically agreeing to never finish a TV show alone.”
- Marriage is like a workshop. The husband works, and the wife shops.”
- “I now pronounce you partners in crime. Bail money not included.”
- “The key to a happy marriage? Always letting your spouse think they picked the restaurant.”
- “By the power vested in me, and by the sheer terror I see in the groom’s eyes, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
- “A marriage license is just a fancy permission slip to annoy one person for the rest of your life.”
- “Repeat after me: ‘I promise to always pretend to listen.’”
- “Before we continue, let’s have a moment of silence… for the groom’s free time.”
- “They say love is blind. Good thing marriage comes with glasses—also known as hindsight.”
- “This ceremony is a lot like a WiFi connection—strong in the beginning, but occasionally needing a reset.”
- “Remember, in every argument, the person who says ‘fine’ first has already lost.”
- “Marriage is about sharing everything—especially the blame.”
- “This is the only time in your life you’ll say vows without someone reminding you to ‘read the fine print.’”
- “By the power vested in me… and Google, where I found this officiant script, I now declare you married.”
- “This wedding is like a comedy show—you all came for the vows, but stayed for the unexpected plot twists.”
- “I asked the groom if he takes this woman to be his wife. His silence was a bit long, so I assume he’s buffering.”
- “Marriage is the one place where agreeing to disagree is considered a win.”
- “A successful marriage is about teamwork. And by ‘team,’ we mean one person doing the work while the other supervises.”
- “Today, we are here to witness the union of two people who have decided they’d rather split the WiFi bill forever than go solo.”
Funny Marriage Jokes That Prove Love Is a Laughing Matter
Marriage isn’t just about sharing your life with someone—it’s also about sharing a lot of laughs. These funny marriage jokes will remind you that sometimes, the best way to show your love is with a good sense of humor.
The key to a successful marriage is communication…
And knowing when to pretend you didn’t hear something.
Why do married people live longer?
Because they can’t argue with anyone if they’re dead.
Marriage is when a man and woman become one…
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
What’s the difference between a marriage and a job?
After five years, you can’t quit either one without consequences.
Why do married people always look so happy?
Because they know someone else is suffering with them.
Why did the couple decide to get married in a museum?
Because they were both “art”-iculate about each other.
Why do wives always know what’s going on in their marriage?
Because they’re “de-facto” detectives.
My wife and I have the perfect marriage…
I do what she tells me, and she does what I’m told to do.
Why don’t husbands ever make good detectives?
Because they’re always “locked out” of the important information.
My wife told me I’m a great husband, but…
She didn’t say anything about a great listener.
Why did the couple go to counseling?
Because the husband needed help “airing” his grievances.
What did the wife say to the husband on their wedding day?
“You may now kiss my credit card goodbye.”
Why did the man bring his wife to the gym?
Because he wanted to work on his “relationship” goals.
What’s the difference between a husband and a dog?
The dog’s excited when you come home.
I asked my husband to take out the trash…
He told me, “I’ll take it out as soon as I can find it.”
Why do couples argue over the TV remote?
Because it’s “remote”-ly possible that one person always controls the channel.
What did the husband say after his wife made a big dinner?
“Looks great, honey, but did you “meat” expectations?”
My wife and I decided to get married after six months…
I wasn’t sure about her then, but hey, better six months of doubt than six years of confusion.
How do married people celebrate after a successful argument?
They go out for ice cream, because it’s the only thing that helps “chill” things down.
Why did the husband bring a broom to the wedding?
To sweep his wife off her feet.
How do you know if a marriage is strong?
When they can still laugh, even after the husband forgets their anniversary.
Why did the couple go to the dance class?
Because they wanted to work on their “step” in the right direction.
Conclusion
Laughter is the secret to a strong, happy marriage. A well-timed joke can brighten any moment, from your wedding day to anniversaries and beyond. The next time you want to add some fun to your relationship, these wedding puns and jokes will bring smiles and remind you of the joy in love. Keep laughing together, and your bond will stay strong and full of happiness.
