Get ready to laugh out loud with some of the silliest avocado jokes you’ve ever heard. These jokes are smooth, green, and totally full of fun. From giggly knock-knocks to guac-filled one-liners, there’s something here for every little laugh machine and grown-up guac fan. These aren’t your everyday fruit jokes. These are ripe for giggles and perfect for snack-time smiles or lunchbox chuckles.
Kids will love the goofy avocado adventures, and grown-ups might just laugh harder than they expect. We’ve packed in plenty of jokes for all kinds of moods. Some are zesty. Some are mashed. Some are so extra, they belong in a brunch group chat. So grab a chip, find your favorite fruit, and let’s guac and roll with the fun!
Silly Funny Avocado Jokes to Guac Your World
How do avocados say goodbye?
Avocad-bye!
Why don’t avocados ever get lost?
They follow their pit-stincts.
How does an avocado apologize?
“I’m so guac-ward about this.”
Why was the avocado so good at math?
It knew how to divide the guac.
What do you call a fast avocado?
Speedy Guacamolezalez.
What do you call an avocado that’s always chill?
Guac and roll.
Why did the avocado go to school?
Because it wanted to be a little smartercado.
How do you make an avocado laugh?
Tell it a cheesy dip joke.
Why was the avocado always picked last?
Because it was a little green.
What’s an avocado’s favorite day?
Toast-day!
Why don’t avocados get in trouble?
They avo-cuddle the drama.
What did the baby avocado say?
“Pit me up!”
How do avocados flirt?
They say, “You guac my world.”
What’s a sleepy avocado called?
A nap-ocado.
What did one avocado say to the other at the gym?
“Let’s guac this workout!”
Why was the avocado blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a ghost?
Guac-a-boo-le!
What’s an avocado’s favorite superhero?
The Incredible Guac.
How does an avocado play hide and seek?
It hides in the toast.
Why don’t avocados ever fight?
Because they’re all about peace and guac.
What do avocados say at weddings?
“We’re guac-ing down the aisle!”
Why did the avocado get detention?
Too many sassy seeds.
What kind of shoes do avocados wear?
Slip-ons, they don’t do laces.
LOL-Worthy Guacamole Jokes You Can Dip Into Anytime
Why don’t guacs ever lie?
Because they always dip-truth.
How does guacamole answer the phone?
“Guac’s up?”
Why did the chip break up with the guacamole?
It felt too pressured to dip.
What’s a guacamole’s life motto?
Stay cool and dip often.
What do you get when guac runs for president?
A smashing campaign.
Why did guacamole go to therapy?
It had too many layers.
What did the guacamole say to the blender?
“Stop trying to change me!”
How do you cheer up sad guac?
Give it a chip-hug.
Why did guacamole go viral?
Because it was spreading fast.
What’s guac’s favorite movie?
Avocado-lypse Now.
How do you know guacamole is rich?
Because it always comes with extra chips.
Why didn’t the guacamole cross the road?
It didn’t want to mash things up.
What’s guacamole’s favorite dance?
The Salsa Slide.
Why did the guacamole bring a suitcase?
It was ready to dip out.
What happens when guacamole gets excited?
It goes full extra.
What’s guacamole’s secret hobby?
Spying on salsa.
Why don’t guacs play hide and seek?
Because they always get scooped.
Why did guacamole fail its science test?
It couldn’t blend the facts.
What did guacamole do at the party?
It crushed it.
How do you prank guacamole?
Put it next to plain hummus.
Why don’t guacs get sunburned?
They’re always covered in shade.
Why did the guacamole bring a spoon to class?
For extra credit dip.
What’s guacamole’s biggest fear?
Double dipping.
How do you know guacamole is your BFF?
It’s always there when you chip out.
Why did guacamole skip gym class?
It didn’t want to split its pit.
What did the guacamole say at karaoke night?
“This one’s for the chips.”
Why did guacamole join a band?
It had smooth rhythm.
What did the guacamole write in its diary?
“Today was a real mash-up.”
Zesty Avocado Jokes One Liners That’ll Smash the Silence
- I told my avocado a secret. Now it’s a guacument.
- I only trust avocados that keep their pits.
- Avocados at parties always know when to dip.
- I asked my avocado to hang out. It said, “Lettuce taco ‘bout it.”
- My avocado won’t stop texting me. It’s way too clingy.
- Tried talking to an avocado. Total guac-block.
- You don’t choose the avocado life. The avocado life chooses you.
- The last avocado I met ghosted me… after brunch.
- I don’t always eat avocados, but when I do, I smash it.
- My love language is guacamole on a bad day.
- Found an avocado in the fridge from last year. R.I.Pit.
- Avocados are like old friends. Soft on the inside, hard to get rid of.
- The avo didn’t come to the party—it split early.
- Avocados and I have something in common: we’re both extra.
- Every time I open an avocado, I feel like it’s judging me.
- I dated an avocado once. Got dumped when I got too salty.
- Avocados know how to dress… just not in public.
- I whisper to my avocados. They never toast me back.
- Found an avocado at the gym. Total guac-star.
- That avo one-liner? Still not ripe.
- Avocados are the introverts of the fridge.
- I have trust issues. Too many surprise pits.
- Told my avo a joke. It said, “That’s nacho best.”
- I once met an avocado with no personality. Total blank-toast.
- Even my avocado has better skincare than me.
- If guac is extra, then I’m the whole avocado.
- Let me know if you want me to tackle the next three headings too!
Knock Knock Avocado Jokes So Ripe They’ll Split You Open
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Avo.
Avo who?
Avo-lutely missed you!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Guac.
Guac who?
Guac you waiting for? Let’s party!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Toast.
Toast who?
Toast me and my avocado bro!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pit.
Pit who?
Pit me down, I’m tired of all these jokes.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Green.
Green who?
Green you glad I brought the guac?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Smooth.
Smooth who?
Smooth like my avocado spread.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Chip.
Chip who?
Chip me in, I’m ready to dip!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Mushy.
Mushy who?
Mushy go get some napkins, this guac is messy!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Seed.
Seed who?
Seed you later, I’m guac-ing out.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Ripe.
Ripe who?
Ripe now I’m laughing too hard!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Squish.
Squish who?
Squish I had more avocados.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Avocado.
Avocado who?
Avocado crush on you.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Spicy.
Spicy who?
Spicy the guac, you better bring water!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Guacamole.
Guacamole who?
Guacamole lot of jokes today.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Dip.
Dip who?
Dip your chip and smile!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Fresh.
Fresh who?
Fresh outta guac, send help!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Party.
Party who?
Party time, pass the avocados!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Toastie.
Toastie who?
Toastie you again, now let’s mash!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Mash.
Mash who?
Mash made in heaven.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Zing.
Zing who?
Zing me another one, I’m guac-ing up!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Extra.
Extra who?
Extra guac is never enough.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pulp.
Pulp who?
Pulp the brakes, I need a chip!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
LOL.
LOL who?
LOL my guac fell again!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Late.
Late who?
Late to the brunch, but I brought avocados!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Snack.
Snack who?
Snack me another joke!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Layer.
Layer who?
Layer hands off my guac!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Nacho.
Nacho who?
Nacho guac unless you ask!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
LOLcado.
LOLcado who?
LOLcado you not laughing yet?
Kid-Approved Avocado Jokes for Little Laugh Machines
Why did the avocado wear a cape?
Because it wanted to be a super-food!
What’s a baby avocado’s favorite toy?
A pit-ball.
How do avocados clean up?
With a guac mop!
What kind of car does an avocado drive?
A smash wagon.
Why don’t avocados play hide and seek?
Because they always get spotted on toast!
What do you call a sleepy avocado?
A snooze-a-cado.
Why did the avocado go to outer space?
To find Planet Pit.
What did the avocado bring to show and tell?
Its best chip friend.
How do you stop an avocado from talking?
You put a lid on the dip.
Why did the avocado sing in the shower?
Because it was feeling extra.
What do avocados wear to stay warm?
A pit-coat!
What’s a group of singing avocados called?
A guacapella group.
Why was the avocado in time-out?
It was being too spicy.
How do you cheer up an avocado?
Give it a chip hug.
What do you call an avocado with glasses?
Smarty guac.
What’s an avocado’s favorite board game?
Chutes and Dippers.
Why do avocados make great friends?
Because they’re always there to spread love.
What does an avocado say when it wins?
“I’m smashing it!”
What do avocados do at a party?
Dip and dance.
Why did the avocado cross the playground?
To swing into guacland.
What’s a pirate avocado say?
Arrr-vocado!
What did the avocado say at bedtime?
“Nighty night, don’t let the chips bite.”
Why are avocados so popular?
They’re the life of the snack!
How does an avocado ride a bike?
With extra balance.
Why did the avocado go to art class?
To learn how to draw-toast.
What do you get when an avocado tells a joke?
A smash hit.
Why was the avocado smiling?
It was on toast with jam.
What do avocados do on a snow day?
Make guac angels.
Avocado Jokes That Are Ripe for the Laughing
What do you call an avocado with commitment issues?
Not guac-ing down the aisle anytime soon.
I asked my avocado how it feels.
It said, “Mashed, but still vibing.”
Why don’t millennials own houses?
Because they spent it all on guac.
I once dated an avocado.
Total ghost toast situation.
What’s an avocado’s favorite workout?
Crosspit training.
Ever heard of avocado ASMR?
It’s just soft smashing and deep sighs.
That moment when your guac costs extra.
Emotionally unprepared.
The only green thing I trust is an avocado.
And even that’s iffy when overripe.
Why did the avocado join a startup?
For the seed funding.
I tried a silent retreat with avocados.
Still got mashed feelings.
Avocados and I have the same therapist.
We’re working on our shelf life.
I told my guac to chill.
Now it’s passive-aggressively cold.
Nothing says adulting like crying over split guac.
Or paying $18 for it.
If guac could text back…
It still wouldn’t.
Why did the guac get ghosted?
Too extra on the first chip.
I don’t need therapy.
I just need avocados that ripen when I want them to.
Tried budgeting.
Still bought three avocados and a backup one.
My love life is like an avocado.
Great for two days, then mush.
Why do avocados hate group chats?
They always get left on toast.
That awkward moment when the pit has more going on than you.
Big seed energy.
What’s the real reason I go to brunch?
To make bad financial decisions on toast.
You know it’s bad when the avocado has more likes than you.
Green envy hits hard.
I made guac for dinner.
It was just… guac.
Avocados are my emotional support fruit.
Even if they never listen.
Life tip: never trust anyone who doesn’t like guac.
That’s suspicious spread energy.
You can’t buy happiness.
But you can buy avocado toast, and that’s close enough.
What do you call an avocado with WiFi?
A streaming snack.
The guac didn’t ghost me.
It breadcrumbed me with chips.
Conclusion
Avocados aren’t just tasty. They’re funny too. From silly kid giggles to grown-up guac chuckles, these jokes are ready to spread the joy. So keep this page close, pass it to your friends, and let every dip come with a smile.
